please hug me, i'm scared
by poisonrationalitie
Summary: hannah is the hogwarts matron, and sees lots of students pass through the hospital wing. none of them impact her as much as lily.


**A/N: For the September 'Wacky Wandmakers' Event**

**Prompt:**

**Wood: Spruce - emotion: nervous**

**Core: Thunderbird tail feather - character: Lily Luna**

**Length: 12 inches - quote: 'In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on' - Robert Frost**

Lily stared at the chipped paint on her nails. They had been carefully done, pink and decorated with small white flowers. Her foot tapped. There wasn't much else to look at. The curtains were drawn around the bed, to give her privacy. The anticipation was killing her. Nerves clung to the insides of her wrists, tingling. Hannah was getting the results. It was a little awkward, what with her being Linden's mother and all, but she'd never been anything but nice to Lily. She'd known Hannah - officially Matron Longbottom - since she'd been a baby, because her husband Neville was one of her dad's closest friends.

A knot sat in her chest. She'd had her blood drawn, and it was quick and painless - it took less than a second - but just the concept made her feel queasy. There was only a small blue circle that indicated that invasive magic had been performed on her arm, and Hannah told her it would fade within the hour. Lily tapped her fingers on her crossed legs, trying to resist the urge to pick at her nails. She'd only painted them yesterday, and didn't want to waste it. Would Hannah know from looking at the results? Would they say what she'd done? What they'd done? She felt even more ill at the thought. She'd liked it, but she didn't want anyone to know about it. It was _private_, after all.

A cold shudder ran through her arms. She shifted again, wishing Hannah would hurry up. Lily's breaths were turning shaky, and suddenly she wished she'd bought a friend. Or Linden. Waiting alone was the worst feeling in the world. Even having Al there would've brightened her spirits. He could be a horrible grump, but he always looked after her. But he was a seventh year, and she hadn't wanted to bother him, when he was so busy studying for N.E. and all. And he would've written home to tell their parents that she was sick straight away.

She should've been studying for her O. . It had only been when her lunch had come up during a study period that she'd finally relented to going to the Hospital Wing. One of her dormmates, Alana Robertson, had gone with her to make sure she'd gotten there safely, but Lily had quickly sent her away, just in case it did show up on the results. She didn't want Alana to know, or _anyone. _She'd enjoyed it, but it was embarrassing, too. And Lily knew what they said about girls who acted like she did at her age. What if Hannah thought poorly of her? This was more than she could handle.

"Lily?" It was Hannah's voice. _Oh Godric. _Her leg jiggled faster. The curtain drew back. Hannah held a piece of parchment in her hand, and gave her a small smile. Lily's stomach rolled. Hannah wasn't a small smile person - usually she flashed everyone a big, wide grin. Lily was sure she'd gone bright red, and she couldn't meet Hannah's eyes.

"D'you know?" Lily mumbled, feeling sick.. "Does it tell you?"

"So you already know?" Hannah asked, sounding surprised. Lily frowned, and looked up at the older woman, blinking.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, her mind suddenly reeling; was she dying? Godric, did she only have months to live? What would happen to Bella, her pygmy puff? She'd get lost in James' apartment and Albus would remember to feed her, but wouldn't cuddle her properly. And Linden already had his owl, Helga.

"You asked if I know," Hannah said. "Do I know about what, Lily?" Lily was generally a rule-follower, not a rule-breaker, but she was a Potter, too. She could smell a trap like this from ten miles.

"What do the results say?" she asked instead. Her heart was racing. She knew, logically, it was probably going to be okay. Her symptoms were fairly mild, and really, they could probably be put down to stress. Godric knew she was under stress now. She was so nervous she thought she might melt into a puddle right there.

"Lily," Hannah said, as serious as Lily had ever heard her. Her mouth went dry. "Do you know what you're ill with? If you do, it's best you tell me now - I've seen the results. I promise I won't judge you." So she _did _know. Somehow it had shown up in her blood. She'd never known sex could change her that much. Was it that obvious? What if everyone else did know? And Godric, she was Linden's _mum. _What if she made Linden break up with her? Despite herself, Lily's eyes burned.

"I didn't think it was that bad," she said. "I - we both wanted to. I didn't know you could - could tell it from a blood test." She blinked furiously, trying to hold back the tears. "And we're in love, anyways. I love him," she added, trying to put on her bravest face. Her leg was still bouncing. Hannah sighed.

"Love or not, Lily, you're very young for this."

"We're not that young." She knew she was only digging herself a hole, only making things worse, but if she didn't stand up for them, who would? Her insides felt like jelly. Although she came from a family of mostly Gryffindors, she was a Hufflepuff, and it could be difficult for her to find courage. "Linden's sixteen now, and I'll be sixteen in the summer. It's - people don't like to talk about it, but I'm not the only one. James did it when he was my age. He did! He told me when we were playing truth or dare." If Hannah told her parents, at least she could get James in trouble with her. It was the same crime, after all.

"Oh, Lily," Hannah said, and her face changed. Lily's heart slammed against her chest, and she tingled with nerves. "This - I'm not a huge fan of the idea, obviously -" Lily blushed, "-but what's done is done in regards to that part."

"That part?" Lily echoed. Hannah sighed, and looked at the roof. That was when it hit her. Lily was filled with a dread that weighed down her limbs, threatening to drown her.

"Lily, sweetheart...It isn't just stress. The weight gain isn't just the food, however good the house-elves might be."

"No," Lily whispered. The next words would be damning. If she didn't hear them, if she ran away, if she didn't listen, maybe then things would be different, maybe then it wouldn't be true -

"You're pregnant."

A small, strangled sound emerged from her throat. And then she burst into tears. Her shoulders shook violently as she sobbed, flinging herself at the only source of comfort she had in Hannah. Through her tears, Lily could see the older witch wave her wand before embracing her back. Hannah was soft and smelt like Linden. She wished he was here. And then she thought of telling him, and she pulled back, puking on the bed.

"Oh, Lily," was all Hannah said, and cleaned it up quickly. Lily leaned back, laying on top of the covers and pressing her head against the pillow. What was she going to do? Surely Hannah would make her tell her parents, and Linden. What would they say? Would her mum yell, would her dad cry, would Linden dismiss her as some stupid girl who couldn't keep her legs together? _He did it too, _she reminded herself, but it didn't seem to matter. She was the one who was - who this had happened to. Not him.

"I'm sorry," Lily mumbled, still teary, wracked with nerves, and feeling more like a child than ever. "I'm really, really sorry Hannah. Not just about vomiting." Hannah sat on the bed, reeking of cleaning potions. The harsh scents burned Lily's nostrils. Her leg bounced even now, nervous thoughts spinning through her mind. She was terrified of what her parents would say, of what everyone would say.

"Lily," Hannah said, taking her hand. Even the touch made her feel sick, and she shut her eyes, starting to cry again. "Hey, hey. Listen to me. It's going to be okay."

"It won't," Lily shook her head. "What do I do? Everyone's going to hate me no matter what I do. You probably hate me."

"I don't hate you. I know this is very awkward, Lily - believe me, I know. But right now, you're not Linden's girlfriend to me. You're Lily. You're the little girl I've known since a baby, and I'm going to help you, okay? That's what I'm here for. We're going to figure this out."

"Are you going to owl my parents?" Lily asked, her voice barely more than a squeak.

"There's no urgent need for that right now," Hannah told her, squeezing her hand. Lily squeezed back. She could hardly control her nervousness; everything from now seemed impossible. She just wanted to stay in bed and cry forever. "Lily, this is going to be okay. Whatever happens, it will work out. Let me tell you this - in three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Your life is going to go on just fine, okay? It might be hard now, but it'll be okay." Feeling like a little girl, Lily looked at her.

"Do you promise it'll be okay?"

"I promise."


End file.
